Do you think you are being too hard on your kids? What makes you think that you might be too strict with your kids? Research shows strict or harsh rules turns kids into good liars. Most parents think if you are strict then kids will learn good behavior. Every parent is different and every parenting is different. According to my opinion being strict parent is not bad, but being too strict with loads of rules may lead kids to lie. Try to have best possible relationship with your kids, so that they can share everything with you.
Who are strict parents?
Strict parents are someone who wants their kids to listen to them and follow the rules made by them. Most of them are unsupportive to their kids, and they usually do not allow kids to raise their opinions in front of them and also kids are not allowed to ask any questions on parents’ decisions. They set high demands and standards on their kids. Parents may be authoritative or authoritarian depending on how strict are they with their kids and how they want to put rules on them. Some parents unknowingly become too strict when it comes to disciplining the kids. Following rules is not bad, as it teaches your kids discipline, but if you are too strict then there may be possibility that your child starts to lie and do not want to share anything with you.[1]
Signs of strict parents:
- They just say ‘no’ for everything without giving any valid reasons. They never listen to them, always react and conversation with kids is very strict.
- There are very strict rules for growing kids, and are harsh, not lenient with them.
- Their love towards children is conditional, and gives orders with no feedback.
- It’s always my way; there is no fun at home with the serious environment. Strict parents are always busy in correcting them and they never laugh, praise or have fun with their kids.
- Giving extreme threats to kids for not listening to them.
- Never letting kids to go out to play with other children, this may lead to lack of social development in kids.
- Whatever punishment they give to kids is not at all related to their behaviour.
- Your child may be afraid of showing his school report card to parents if grades are low.
- Parents want their kids to play games or sports according to their interest but not by kid’s choice.
- Some parents set days for screen time, they allow kids to watch tv or play games only on weekends.
- Saying immediately no for kids without even listening to them.
- Setting time limit for kid and asking them to come home early from party.
- When kids are extremely scared of parents’ reactions then they lie to them to avoid punishments.
- Some parents do not allow teens to wear clothes of their choice.
Is strict parenting good?
Parents whether strict or lenient, it is always true that they love their kids more than anything in life. Growing up with strict parents is more stressful for a child. Sometimes it is necessary to become strict with your kids, but in some cases harshness is not required. You can make them understand the situation politely and not by scolding always.
Research shows most people think that strict parenting will lead to well behaved and disciplined kids. But this is not the case; kids will behave in front of everyone but from the fear of getting punished from parents. Later, they start lying to parents very easily for everything to get out of the situation. Instead of setting rules with your kids and punishing them for not listening to them, you can discuss with kids about the rules and explain them why these rules are made for them, how they can follow them and talk to them about how they are responsible for their actions and to be ready for consequences.
Why parents are strict and controlling?
When you have a child and become parent then you will realize every kid is different and you will set parenting style for your kid. Every kid is different and parenting is different. Experts identified parenting with different styles. These styles are based on how much parents are authoritative or controlling on kids. Whatever parenting style you follow, always ensure that you are supporting healthy growth of your kid. Because what method you follow to teach discipline will influence them for rest of their life.
Parents who make strict rules think they are avoiding future troubles for kids but in reality it’s complete opposite with them. I know many families who want to control kids and ask them to do whatever they want. We usually do not force our kids for anything, but we do have rules for them, say for study and screen time. My kids know why these rules were made, but sometimes if they fail to follow them, they will be punished.
How strict parents affect children?
Studies shows parenting style can have a big impact on behaviour of children. Some parents set high expectations and very strict rules and they want them listen to all the rules without asking anything, whether it is good or bad for them. If you are very harsh on them, they may temporarily behave nicely and listen to you at that moment, but again later they repeat the same behaviour.
Strict parenting turns children in to liars:
Strict parenting can produce adept liars as they do not feel safe telling truth. According to the experts’ authoritarian parenting produces big liars, as it is strict parenting style. This is the strict parenting style but not open with the kids. These type of parents set rules without any explanation, if rules are broken then kids will get punishments. According to me this type of parenting is not required, because setting so many rules for your kid will make them think they are worthless, and kids start to lie to their parents because they doesn’t want any punishment.[2]
Kids raised with strict parenting are more likely to suffer from depression:
Studies show kids raised with such parents tend to be unhappy and suffer from depression, and more prone to suicidal attempts. These types of parents not free minded or loving towards their children, they express love only when kids meet their expectations. They will not give any reason for kids about their strict actions; they just want them to follow the rules.
Kids suffer from behavioral problems:
Kids raised with strict parents are most likely to suffer from behavioral problems such as anger issues, becomes aggressive and turn into rebellions. Some parents make so many strict rules for their kids and if they don’t listen then kids will be punished; this makes them more rebellious and angry. Because of strict rules and punishments these kids tend to think of their actions before they do something. Such type of parenting may lead to anxiety in kids, sleep disorders and poor academic performance.[3]
Kids will become bullies:
Kids raised with authoritarian parents are most likely to become bullies. Both authoritarian and permissive parenting style will turn kids into bullies, as both approaches have lack of respect for rules.
Why kids lie to parents?
Teaching discipline to kids is important, but it is also important to check if you are over doing it. There are many reasons for children to lie. Whether it is any type of parenting, kids may lie to parents at some point for any reason. Parents think kids lie to them to get something they want to get, or get out of some consequences or something in which they are not interested to do.
To avoid punishment:
Strict parenting can turn kids into liars as they do not feel safe telling truth to their kids. They may think if they tell truth then they will be punished from parents. I would say if you are authoritarian parent then there are more chances of kids to lie. According to experts kids who have strict parents are the best liars. If you are very strict parent and give punishment for every small mistake done by kids, then this will make children upset and they stop sharing good or bad feelings with parents and start to lie to them. This will make kids think lying is a good option to escape from punishment, and slowly they will become good liars.
Kids do not feel safe:
Because of strict parenting, kids do not feel safe telling the truth, and they start to lie. Harsh and strict rules may temporarily control kids behavior, but not for long term. Unfortunately, strong punishments lead to more misbehaving, rebellion kids, and kids may turn in to liars. These types of parents do not support positive parenting, and kids of authoritarian parents do not do academically good compared to authoritative and permissive parents. It is determined that kids of strict parents are most likely to tell advanced and convincing lies. Parents with strict rules make more damage to kids than doing good to their future and present, and this may damage relationship between parents and kids forever.
Try reading the following books about why kids lie –
Experience: My sister ordered this book and she was happy that there is some useful information that helped her to deal with her kid.
Do strict parents aware that they raise the best liars?
Strict parents never realize that their kids are lying to them, even if they realize, they think it may be due to influence from kids friends. They assume their parenting is perfect and doing good to kids. Actually kids lie to run away from punishments which they get from parents from every small mistake. They can actually see that kids are suffering emotionally from their actions, but still they don’t want to understand and make any changes to their parenting styles. They assume their parenting is perfect and being strict parent will avoid trouble for kids, but in reality it’s the total opposite. They can see kids are suffering from their strict rules and behaviour but still they don’t want to change.
According to them there should be no privacy in kid’s life. They will assume strictness is the best way to avoid troubles for kids but in reality it will bring trouble for children. Being strict with your kids is not bad, but always punishing them for every small behavior makes them feel demotivated. If your kid is making some mistake then punishing is not the only option, you can talk to them and make them understand where they are going wrong.
What is good parenting?
There are different parenting styles that most experts agree to, and each style affects the child differently. Good parenting is not about being perfect, it is about setting high standards for ourselves and serve as role models for our kids. Good parenting is developing confidence in children; encouraging kids rather than praising them for their work, and rather giving punishment to make them understand their mistakes.[4]
Authoritative parenting:
Studies shows authoritative parenting is good way of approach with kids to teach discipline. They always listen to kids whatever the situation is and give respect, and kids also will learn same discipline from parents. These parents set rules with clear expectations, also give support and love for their kid which is most important. They are not over strict with kids, and this parenting makes kids more independent. Research shows that kids raised with this style are tending to be independent, successful, and they grow up to be emotionally strong. Children who grew with authoritative parents are more likely happy and successful in life, and also they are independent thinkers, and good at making decisions with lots of confidence.[5]
Try reading the below book to find out more about authoritative parenting –
Experience: This Book is well written and easy to read for parents, and easy to follow with good examples.
Friendly environment at home:
If parents show interest about kids work then they will not hesitate to share anything and ask for new suggestion. Hence they will think parents as their friends. Since kids know there is a reason behind every rule, parents are able to develop healthy and positive relationship with kids. I am not saying there shouldn’t be any rules, but sometimes you have to be friendly with them to understand their point. Have good conversation with your child daily; ask him how your day was in school? What you want to have for dinner? Try to spend more time with your kids, talk to them about their problems, and have fun times.
Give unconditional love to kids:
Always give unconditional love to your child. Parent-child relationship is unique bond that every parent and child will enjoy and nurture. Play games with your kids and do not set any rules, just go with the flow and enjoy with them. If you see your kid is doing something good and helpful, always appreciate them.
Do not compare kids with others:
Never compare your child with other kids, because each kid is different and unique. Constantly comparing kids with others especially with siblings will make them feel low in confidence. Instead, teach them how to meet goals and get success in life.
Speak truth in front of kids:
Children always observe their parents, so whatever you do in front of them be careful and be a role model for your kid. Always tell truth in front of kids, because we want them to speak the truth always. Kids usually learn what they see, they adapt their parents behavior easily, so be very respectful and in good behavior with everyone.
Do not spank your kid:
Spanking your child is not a good method to teach him right or wrong. By this fear kids avoid telling any problems to parents. Kids who are spanked or hit are more likely prone to fighting with other kids.
Try to read following book from amazon about parenting –
Try below book for good parenting strategies –
Try below wooden block puzzle for your kid to keep them busy –
Experience: This is the fun way to play and spend time with kids. It’s a great product to buy for kids to keep them busy whole day.
Try below book in kindle –
Experience: Get this book if you are looking for a good parenting book. This book gives you feeling about becoming aware of the fact that children need to be respected.
Final thoughts:
No parent wants their kids to become liars, but it is proved with the research that kids with very strict parents turn into big liars. So don’t be strict parent with your kid, try to understand what he/she want from you. Make some rules for kids, but never be harsh on them and give unnecessary punishment. Studies shows authoritarian parenting turns kids in to liars, and authoritative parenting is the good way of parenting. So try to be authoritative parent, and understand the needs of your child. Always keep a balance of firmness and nurturance with kids.
Also try following products from amazon to keep kids busy –
Experience: This was a Christmas gift for my son, and he loved it. He played this game with his friends on his birthday; all his friends had lots of fun.
[1] Huque, Tasnuva. “Understanding parenting.” (2019).
[2] Chen, Xinyin, Qi Dong, and Hong Zhou. “Authoritative and authoritarian parenting practices and social and school performance in Chinese children.” International journal of behavioral development 21.4 (1997): 855-873.
[3] Nishimura, Kazuo, and Tadashi Yagi. “How parenting affects children’s futures: empirical study in Japan.” Journalism and Mass Communication 7.1 (2017): 35-45.
[4] Palmer, Chris. Raise Your Kids to Succeed: What Every Parent Should Know. Rowman & Littlefield, 2017.
[5] PANDOYI, SADAA, and SAMIKSHA JAIN. “IS AUTHORITATIVE PARENTING STYLE BETTER FOR YOUR TEENAGER’S ACADEMICS, WELL-BEING AND MENTAL HEALTH?-A SYSTEMATIC REVIEW.”
