Personal development via parenting

What's Covered

Treating our children with positivity is a help on their personal development as they grow older that they can adopt into adulthood. As parents, if we are full of positive mindset toward to them, we encourage them to have a positive outlook on life as well. Focusing on their improvements and support for them instead of punishment and negative behaviors will lead to your children’s happiness and positive approach in life. Parents that employ positive parenting make the child independent, more tolerant and has a less risk to adopt negative behavior. I believe that positive parenting has a benefit for both children and parents.

What is positive parenting?

A positive parenting is being remain calm and friendly of the parents towards their children. They are focus to support, to guide and to respect their children’s emotion and physical needs. A positive parenting is to help your children to achieve the good behavior instead of achieving the good behavior because of the punishment. Your kid must not afraid in able to follow you, but they will follow you because they know that is the right thing to do because you taught them well. [1]The center of parenting is the act which the parent expressed toward children including both comfort or unkindness. Parental comfort reflects an extensive tendency to be affectionate, supportive and sensitive to the children’s needs. It means that a parental comfort leads to a good behavior because they feel secure, loved and trust to their environment.

 A negative parenting such as yelling, shouting, hitting or spanking is strictly discourage. They will be scared and can promote negative behavior. They may adopt being harsh or worse they can have anxiety and depression. It is important to protect our children’s childhood memory because it can affect their personal development as they get older. The way we take care of them is the way they adopt into their adulthood. [2]It means a positive parenting interact with the early childhood temperament which is can improve to be a better person later on as they grow up while negative parenting interacts or can affect for the future behavior when they grow old, a negative impact on the development of child’s behavior.

The most important thing of a positive parenting is the connection between the children and the parent. It helps your children to have a self-discipline and help the parents to feel very rewarding because they are doing the right thing for their children.

5 Steps on how positive parenting be implemented

A supportive parent for their children can make this world a better place ahead of time. Giving positivity to them is a good example on how they can embrace positivity as well that they can teach also to their future children. The following is some tips on how positive parenting looks like if you implement it to your children.

1.      Awareness to their feelings

Being aware on how they feel is the first thing that we, parents need to notice. If we are aware to their emotion, we can have a clue on how we can communicate with them in a good way. We need to put our shoes on their situation, we need to sense what may they think and how they feel, we need to be open to understand and identify their emotions.

2.      Be connected

Once we identify their feelings then we can be connected with them because we understand what they want to convey. Being connected to them show that we care and we can be trusted to let them show their true feelings. Show them that we can provide emotional security and emotional warmth that they need as a child.

3.      Listening to them

If you listen to your child it helps them to process things, experiences and situations. Having a heart-to-heart conversation with them open a door to be closer to you, in that way they will be more open and with your guide and teachings they can face a better world ahead.

4.      Label their emotion

After we listen to them it is our responsibility to explain them what they really feel like the consequences and truth about it. We can be their guidance since we’re adult who have more experience than them. Elaborating on how things work in this world is a big help to them to identify their emotions to learn how to manage it and adopt when they grow old. [3]Consulting our   children about policy decisions and explaining family rules is included in labeling their emotion. It promotes maturity demands.

5.      Finding solutions

After telling them things that they need to know or to learn then it is important also to give advice on how they will get through to the problems and negative emotions that they will experience or they experiencing. Finding solutions on their experiences can make them learn to solve their own issue as they grow old

How to be an effective positive parent

Before we assume that a positive parenting is a good help for our children’s personal development let’s take a look first if we, as parents are an effective parent that can handle parental positivity. The following are some reason and techniques on how to be an effective positive parent:

1.      Always remember that you are now a parent

Parent is the important person that the children need. We need to embrace our role to be an effective role model to them. Being friend with them is not enough, they need more than that, our responsibility is to mold them into a good human being for a better future ahead. [4]“Once a parent, always a parent” parents are in charged on preparing the children to fare and to bloom regarding social and economic world that they will inherit. We, parents are the final common pathway on childhood development, adaptation and their success.

2.      Kind and firm discipline

It is important to let them know how to identify how things works between parent-children relationship when it comes to the rules and regulations. For an effective positive parenting it needs respect that was executed in both ways. Parents need to implement rules which is clear and needed to comply by their children. It helps them to follow simple instruction even outside parenting.

3.      Give yourself a break

You will be exhausted by your children’s behavior. Definitely! But as a parent we are their hopes and we are responsible for their actions. Let yourself rest and calmed before approaching them, we need to remember always that we should approach them with respect in able to earn respect as well to them. If you are still upset, let your children know that you need some space and think of what will be the future effect on how will you show your disciplinary actions. Showing the right thing will earn a right thing in the future.

How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t with Your Kids
This book is a guide for a calmer and happier parent. It will give you tips on how to stop yelling, lose the guilt feeling and parental meltdowns, this book is empowering and make you to act appropriately instead of losing it

4.      Empathy, Sympathy

Make sure that your children knows that they are being heard. Having a feeling that there is someone who always ready to listen make them feel they are respected and they are being appreciated.

5.      Acknowledgement

Did your children always keep their room clean, or did they put their shoes on rack? Then its time to let them know that you are grateful to them because of their good job. Appreciate them to boost their confident in able to do more good things. It helps them to push them to always do the right thing. Acknowledge them.

6.      Avoid humiliating

Don’t humiliate your children. Don’t say or do anything that will make them feel bad about their self. We should help them to boost their self-esteem, and courage them to do the right thing. Shaming has a negative effect which they can adopt it that will not trust themselves to do things because they think they will fail. Let’s help them to be a better human being in the future with confident. Say the things in appropriate way in the way that they will understand.

7.      Keep your word, consistency is a must

Kids are smart! They will remember everything especially when you promise something. Always remember what you said and you are consistent in giving what you promise. When they realize that you broke a promise that they turn them to be disappointed then they will think that you are an empty threat and probably it will be difficult to them to follow you in the future. Always keep your word, they will always remember.

8.      Talking in the way they understand

If there is disagreement between you two then make time to have conversation with your children. They will think that they are important and needed to be heard. Explaining things to them is important by using words that they will understand. A child-friendly words and examples is a better idea.

9.      Be a fun-loving jolly parent

Being serious all the time is not fun at all. Sometimes you need to make things lighten up to set mood. If they do something to be disappointed for, instead of shouting, shaming and scolding them, you should approach them sometimes in a friendly-joke with a smile in your face, it promotes authority but with “it’s okay” feeling that they will probably understand and they can follow you politely without feeling bad about their self.

Basketball Laundry Hamper
This a basketball designed laundry baskets that can help you and your children be closer on just a simple laundry basket. If you disappointed on the dirty clothes that was not place on laundry basket then you can approach them with an authoritative joke while shooting dirty clothes on a laundry basket that will make you look cool, fun but authoritative which is not so harsh on how you can say things without shaming them.

10.  Enjoy with the family

Always have time to have fun with the family. Unplugged yourself sometimes at work or house hold chores to enjoy with the family. Everyone’s needs to cooperate, plan with an interesting activity that you think everyone will love. Having time together is a positive way of parenting them.[5] A strong correspondence and satisfaction of the relationship between parent and children by spending time with them will leave a family happier and closer.

Floral Tea Cups and Saucers
This Floral tea cups and saucers set can use to bond with your family with a cup of tea even inside your home, sometimes a cup of tea and slice of raspberry cake can set a mood and turn out to be a conversational bonding to be closer in each and every one
Do You Really Know Your Family?
This is a game for a family with a card game that promotes conversation starters and challenges for each of the family members, you can use them especially if everyone has a leisure time when they are off to work, school or done with the chores, it is a perfect bonding to know more about the children and vice versa. It promotes a family’s memories as you do challenges together. In that way a positive parenting will be implemented while having fun.

Positive parenting on how to affect children’s personal development

The advantage of positive parenting is you can help them improve their behavior while having a positive relationship to them. Focusing on how you discipline them in a good way rather than punishing them is an advantage to earn their trust and to make them feel that they are protected. They will feel easy to communicate with their parents which is very important.

The following is some specific way on how positive parenting has a good effect on the children’s personal development:

Emotional development

A parent that utilizes positive parenting to their children by being calm and friendly can promote positive effect to the children, even if they are throwing tantrums and act violently and when the parent is calm, they are also telling them that there’s no need to be afraid of and the children may feel secure and may realize if what is the right thing to do. It makes the parents and children closer as well.

Act the way they expected to be

If the parent has a positive parenting, the children may act the way they expected to be. Since their parents shows that they are still being friendly and calm despite of the negative behavior of them, they will realize that they need to do their best because of the trust that the parent gives to them. They will feel that the parents are always at their back so they will strive to be the best version of themselves to make their parents proud. It also helps the children to have a goal and to accomplish it not because they are afraid but because the parent support them and make them to trust their own potential that leaves more room for productivity.

Develop empathy

If the parent is trying to be more understanding to their children’s feelings, they will probably adopt what their parents show to them. If the children are throwing tantrums to their parents but still, they show empathy and understanding it will develop positive outcome to them like they will be more empathetic and sensitive on what other’s feeling. The parent can be a role model as a positive person that they can demonstrate through their parenting.

For example, your older children was mad at her younger brother because he meddled with those stuff in her room, but as an older sibling they will control their feelings and will try to understand that their sibling is younger and need to understand that they are sometimes naughty and they need to interact with them in a good way while saying that “It’s okay but next time, don’t meddled with this because it is important to me and it will not a help if those stuff will be broken, you can ask me if there is some stuff that you want to borrow and it is my pleasure to get it for you” As the older sibling approach to the younger siblings it is very understanding, because they adopt it to their parents that if they do something wrong it is better to approach positively. This kind of manners focuses for the future learnings than to act violently to just punish for a present situation.

Strong parent-children relationship

A positive parenting is very healthy for the parent-children relationship. If the parent is consistent, responsive, sensitive in approaching their children it makes them more confident and hopeful for the future. They will be motivated to show the very good side of them that their parents prefer.

If the parent and children have a strong bond, probably the children will be aware on how they may feel, they can manage their behavior and can develop self-esteem. The children with a good relationship with their parents will be able to cope up at least with the issues of some family problems, poverty, stress, family instability and parental depression.

Mutual Respect

A positive parenting can promote mutual respect for the both parent and children. Positive parenting is a help for further explanations why rule was made. The more children understand why rule was made in a positive way the more the children follow them.

For example, your children were always playing outside without telling you and they think that you will always allow them that they can’t even ask for permission. If you promote positive parenting in this case, it encourages you to explain the reason why rule was made and tell them “you need to ask permission before going outside. You let me know because I don’t want to worry and I want you to be safe, it is my job to take care of you.”

In this case you will understand also why your children misbehave, and if ever they throw tantrums it may be a result of hunger, think if what was the last time they ate, you can have an idea why they are in negative mood. It can help you to understand them more in able to take care of them precisely and to manage your positive parenting well.

Set examples to be their role model

Positive parenting promotes a good example for the children. The way we interact with them is important as they adopt what we do. If we response to them irritable, harshly and aggressively whenever they do something wrong then they will imitate those traits that they can treat others the way on how we show it. We always want the best for our children and we want them to grow as a great individual with kindness, understanding and considerations to others. Having a good trait will leave them a better life and better world for the rest of their time.

For example, if your response is hitting your children just because they are picking up the broken glass that you said not to touch then there will be a possibility that they will hit a friend or classmate who touch their stuff. But if you set a good example on how to deal with them then they will do the same to others.

Benefits of positive parenting to their personal development

Positive parenting has a lot to offer that can affect your children’s personal development. Showing them positivity is showing them good results and success that can turn into a happier life. The following are some benefits that may affect your child’s positive outcome on life.

  • Promotes independency like an easy adjustment if children are starting to go to school.
  • Increase motivation among children
  • A good internalization among children
  • Reduce depression for adolescence
  • Promotes self esteem
  • Increase hope, confidence and being cheerful
  • Promotes self-worth
  • Promotes positive social development
  • A secure parental attachment
  • Reduced behavioral problems
  • Less family conflicts and problems
  • Strong encouragement, affection and guidance
  • Promotes school achievements
  • Decrease peer pressure or can resist peer negative influence
  • Better future (job, family, experiences)
  • A positive example to children
  • A good Parent-children communication

Different kind of approach on positive parenting (Parenting styles)

Implementing positive parenting has a right way on how you can promote it. It needs a good balance on how things be executed in able to work what you are aiming which is positive outcome by your positive parenting. You must be supportive without being intrusive, implement discipline but not punitive, challenge them but be responsive. The following are some specific positive parenting styles:

  • Providing rules, regulations and expectation
  • Letting theme explore and involving them in decision making
  • Use an effective way on how to communicate like knowing their interest and likes
  • Pay attention and response to their needs
  • Encourage positive behavior by rewarding them
  • Understanding on their emotions and teaching how to manage it
  • Supervision and monitoring time to time
  • Acting as a good example
  • Putting consequences
  • A positive family experience to be shared together

What age should we start implement positive parenting

Positive parenting begins even if they are infant. We can show our positivity by responding every time they cry or when there is something that they need. Being there caregiver is the start of positive parenting since we are always there as they grow old that c a result to be closer to them and a possibility that they will follow and trust us. Positive parenting needs to be implemented as early as possible especially if you have more than one child, there will be a possibility of sibling rivalry that needs to be guide by the parents.

Advantage of positive parenting for parents

Positive parenting is not just for our children but it has an advantage also for us, parents. Implementing positive parenting promotes to grow as a parent. Many realizations and learnings that we can acquire simply on being a parent to our children. It both has an advantage for both children and parents.

First, positive parenting teaches me to lose temper, ego and consider the whole family. It makes us think about their opinions and wants in able to adjust for them, it makes us selfless and it’s okay.

For example, you want to go with your friends with your child but your child doesn’t want to go outside, they want to stay at home because they are watching their favorite channel and just because you’re the parent it doesn’t mean that you win automatically. You need to respect your children’s perspective and make a fair decision. Letting them decide sometimes for their sake shows that you see them as an equal part of the family that can make their own choice but it is a case-to-case basis depending on the situation that they can decide.

Second, it will make us realize to match our behavior to the desire behavior that we want to our children. The values that we want them to adopt are the values that we need to enact to be their set of examples. If we value respect on your home, then expect your children to offer respect too. If you disrespect them and then they will not offer it to you as well.

For example, if you do not let your children yell at you but it is okay to yell at them then they will think that you are disrespectful and you’ll realize that they will not learn things that was not demonstrated to them.

Third, I learn to forgive myself time to time. Sometimes as a parent we feel that we are not enough in everything that we do. We feel that we are a failure like having a messy house, a meal that is not so good, a job that is more than good enough than yours. But it made me realize to know that nobody’s perfect and at least you do everything to make your family safe and protected.

Did you imagine, saying some negativity to your children. It hurts right. Putting your shoes to their situation will make us realize that negativity is not a good idea which can make them feel bad and not to even trust their self. It is not healthy.

We can learn to be kind, because we want our children to be kind as well not just for us but for the people around them so that they will respect in return.

Final thoughts

Positive parenting is an important thing in raising our kids. In that way, we promote nurturing, empowering, caring, affection, sympathy, empathy, emotional warmth, communication, supporting their interest and of course positivity outcome. Considering those tips and techniques on how can a positive parenting can affect their personal development is a big help to the both children and parent. It is a meaningful journey for the both ways that they can treasure, learn and adopt in life to be closer. It includes strong real deep relationship for both children and parent that will last for a lifetime.

[1] Schofield, Thomas J., et al. “Parent personality and positive parenting as predictors of positive adolescent personality development over time.” Merrill-Palmer quarterly (Wayne State University. Press) 58.2 (2012): 255.

[2] Danzig, Allison P., et al. “Positive parenting interacts with child temperament and negative parenting to predict children’s socially appropriate behavior.” Journal of social and clinical psychology 34.5 (2015): 411-435.

[3] Baumrind, Diana. “Effective parenting during the early adolescent transition.” Family transitions 2.1 (1991): 1.

[4] Bornstein, MARC H. “Positive parenting and positive development in children.” Handbook of applied developmental science: Promoting positive child, adolescent, and family development through research, policies, and programs 1 (2003): 187-209.

[5] Lewis, Virginia, Kelly Hand, and Jacqueline Tudball. “Family and work: the family’s perspective. [Edited version of a paper presented by Dr Lewis at the Family and Work: Listening to Our Children conference (2001: Sydney).].” Family Matters 59 (2001): 22-27.

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Tiffany Biondi

Tiffany Biondi

Mother of 4 kids, Tiffany is a certified childcarer and during her free time, she write posts in thebabychoice to share her hands on experience and knowledge.