Why is it so hard to raise a child?

What's Covered

I believe that things happen in our lives all because there is a reason and according to God’s plan. Hardship and challenges come to our lives, yet we boldly faced them and tried to overcome and succeed. We were able to defeat obstacles because God knows we can do it and it will be great learning in our life’s journey here on earth. 

Factors to consider when raising a child

Before we call ourselves “parents” there are a lot of factors that we have to ponder upon. Being a parent and raising a child is a very big responsibility, indeed. You will face a lot of endeavors that will involve your perceptions, emotions, and faith. There will be different twists and turns that you will come across your way. You will be held responsible for another human being. How you honed the child and how you nurture him/her will be the outcome of their lives. Make sure that you are well-prepared in the following aspects of your life:

Mindset

Expectant parents must ensure that they are mentally able. They must bear in mind that when raising a child your intellectual capacity will be a challenge throughout their journey of parenthood. As part of your parenthood[1] journey, you will encounter inevitable incidents that might test your sound judgment. Remember that your child’s future relies on your wise decisions. So, being unprepared mentally could lead to failure in molding your child’s future.  Take a look at this wonderful book:

Emotion

When you are expecting that you will need to raise a child, embrace the fact with a ready and loving heart. As the saying goes, “what you sow is what you will reap”. So, when you shower your child with affection and great love while growing up they will turn out to be a significant[2] loving person. Remember that this human being is worth investing in with the best you can give. You will realize this fact when you will be reaping the fruits of your hard work and unconditional love.

Determination

A parent who is about to raise a child must be full of determination with this God-given task. Your unwavering determination will be your strength in facing the obstacles that you will encounter in your parenthood journey. Do not allow the negativities to overtake your strong-willed power in fulfilling your task. Keep in mind that you will be playing a vital role in another human being’s life. You will serve as their light in the darkness that will guide them in every step that they will take. You can either make or break him/her. Let your great contribution and share of yourself for this child be your steer to make you succeed in their upbringing[3].

Time

Spending not just time but quality time is very efficient in raising a child. The time you spent with your child as they grow up will linger in their mind and heart. Along the way of your parenthood journey, you might come across the feeling of exhaustion and confusion as you juggle your tasks and workloads. These are but common experiences that would test your ability to become a good parent. So make sure to create a plan to come up with a great work-life balance scheme. Remember that those memories with you are more vivid than the costly gifts or toys you bought for your child. These are must-haves in spending quality time with your child:

Sale
If Animals Kissed Good Night
A simple storybook that will make your child a compassionate and loving person.
Fisher-Price Soothe 'n Snuggle Otter
This toy will let them feel they are loved and taken cared of.

Finances

Because you have another human being to look after too, you have to give their basic needs: food, shelter, clothing plus education (if possible a good one). These will become your responsibilities that must be prioritized. Ensuring that you can be able to provide these needs could result in a bright future not only for your child but for your family as a whole. You must realize that raising a child would mean costly and you will be expecting a lot of expenses. It would be best if you are financially ready before deciding to be a parent.

The real struggle in raising a child

Parenthood or raising a child is a combination of genuine happiness, a roller coaster-like journey, and different levels of obstacles. As you go along this journey in your life, you might feel giving up at some point however your biggest ‘WHY’ is your greatest gear in pursuing your goal. As a parent of two amazing kids, these are the struggles I have personally deal with in raising them:

Aiming only the best for them

When I started my parenthood journey, I thought I am ready in all aspects of my life. I consider myself married at the right age, I am bonded in love with the man I want to share my life with forever, we both have a good and decent job and our unification was agreed upon by both parties involved. But when my eldest started to grow, so as his needs and wants. I started feeling saddened by the fact that I cannot give most of the things I wanted him to have. I begin to question myself and made some realizations that I might have done wrong with some of the decisions I made in my life. Then as our second child comes along the way, I have created high hopes with things that I dream for them to achieve. But life is unpredictable. As much as we wanted to give all the best for especially for our loved ones, there are a lot of factors that need to be contemplated. At this point in my life, I learned a lot on my parenthood journey[4]. Things happen for reasons, dreams are not even achieved because maybe that’s meant to be but I am proud to say that I have participated a lot in the family I built. I was able to raise them by showering them great affection, quality time spent, and love while instilling discipline at the same time. I am delighted to claim that I made a huge contribution by inculcating good values into my children’s lives.

Bear their suffering and pain

Parents are normally overjoyed and hearts leaped in excitement when a child comes out into the world. It same sentiment for me as a parent when I encountered meeting my first child even my second child. There is this feeling that they need to be handled with so much care and be protected by the things and people around them. The mere fact that they are born tiny that you feel this way of protecting them. Life offers not only great and adorable experiences but hurtful ones as well. There are moments in our lives that we get hurt physically, mentally, and emotionally. It might be unexpected or intentional, sometimes self-inflicted[5] or brought by others and by nature. It is always a parent’s instinct to protect their children from harm so they always tend to butt in the way if they perceive the situation to be harmful to their children. But as parents, we must learn that it is better to allow our children to experience being hurt or feel pain. A rather painful experience that they can benefit from it. By doing so, you are molding them to become a better and bolder person ready to take on challenges that they may encounter in life. They will also learn to appreciate the real meaning of happiness and the value it once found.

A different world than yours

Every parent experience this unique challenge when raising a child. A child can be capable of creating their world. They can express what they want when it comes to the choice of food, toys, movies to watch, the story they are fascinated with, or familiar places to go to. They may be physically incapable of attaining what they want for themselves but they are witty in the manner that they could make use of you to get what they want. You could sometimes feel the pressure weighed upon you in understanding their tantrums[6], in finding ways to decline on the things they would cry to their heart’s content. In some instances, when they reach a certain age they can manipulate you with their words of wisdom, or be taken away by their cheerful smiles and loving hugs with sweet kisses altogether. But as parents, we must not forget that our goal is to guide, train and make them a good person as they grow up. Yes, it makes us feel good to see them happy when they get what they wanted but allowing them to have all the things they long for will only make them worse people someday. By simply not giving too much to their demands also means that you truly care and love them by taking control of what’s good or bad for them. Time will come that they will realize what you did and why you did those things are worth thankful for throughout their lifetime.

Is there a difference between raising a girl and a boy?

Parents (especially the first-timers) tend to be overjoyed when expecting a child to raise. Some parents might wish for a boy and others a girl to have for a child, yet they are happy and contented with what God blessed them with. They consider themselves bounded by a special task that requires effort and affection to be successful. This conception is their inner drive in persevering to succeed in this undertaking of a lifetime. Here are some reasons cited why some parents would want a boy or a girl for a child:

1.    Peer Interactions

A lot of parents would agree that a girl child can be more sociable with other people around them. Some can initiate a conversation while others would bring out a sweet smile that could lead to friendship. They can be adaptable to new peers and environments as well. Other parents feared that their boy child is less sociable and sometimes could end up butting with heads and fists with other boys. Yet, some boy child can also bring about nice friendship among his peers. The interaction with peers varies on the child’s personality, behavior, and perception of life.

2.    Physical agility

When we talk about physical strength, we would always refer to boys.  They are known for their masculinity and exceptional strength than those of girls. Although we cannot set aside the fact that some girls can do things in equal strength with boys but of course generally it will always be boys who will stand out. Some parents are after a boy child because they believe they can be independent when it comes to using their physique at a young age. They are confident that at a certain point of age, they will no longer need to provide full attention to them. This means that parents can have the opportunity to do other stuff.

3.    Managing emotions

When it comes to dealing with emotions, both child has a great ability in managing them. The only difference is how they express and manage their emotions. Most of the boy child is known to be timid and sometimes quite secretive in expressing their emotions which is in great contrast with a girl child. Most girl child tends to express their feelings straightforwardly. If they are afraid, hurt, happy, or glad they will openly express it. It would be better if parents will be conscious about this stuff and dutifully encourage their boy child to be open with their feelings. For parents, you can take a look at this great book for you to be able to cope up and understand more about your little man and woman:

Little Humans, Big Feelings: A book about how to identify and manage emotions
  • Zdanwic, Sandye (Author)
  • English (Publication Language)
  • 32 Pages - 12/15/2020 (Publication Date) - Intrinsic Ink Publishing (Publisher)

4.    Challenge-driven

Boys are commonly known for being tough, adventurous, fearless, and mostly jumps into a decision without second thoughts. They always look forward to challenging situations because they feel they need to prove something. This kind of attitude can sometimes place a negative impact on the child’s life due to what we call recklessness. In some instances, a girl child also possesses such kind of thinking and behavior, but parents normally see it more significant to boys. Hence, parents must be deeply involved in the proper guidance and upbringing of their children to ensure that this kind of behavior will be of positive impact[7] on their child.

5.    Personal hygiene

It is always believed that girls have an ounce of advancement compared to boys when it comes to personal hygiene. Some research stated that even during the children’s potty training, girls are more manageable and more advanced in learning the process than boys. But at one point, some boys become more conscious of their looks and hygiene when they started to reach puberty age. They are even more sensible with their physical looks and health rather than girls their age. Try this book to teach you more on how to properly potty train your child:

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Potty Training in 3 Days: The Step-by-Step Plan for a Clean Break from Dirty Diapers
  • Potty Training in 3 Days The Step By Step Plan for a Clean Break from Dirty Diapers
  • Brucks, Brandi (Author)
  • English (Publication Language)

What are the hardest years of raising a child?

In previous research, parents concluded that it is hard for them to handle their child when they reach the age of two – that’s why they quoted this stage as “terrible TWO”. This no longer applies nowadays because recent studies and research showed that parents claimed that the hardest years of raising a child are between the ages of 6 to 8. These children are called “scary SEVENS” and “hateful EIGHTS”. These are ages that they can be independent that they thought of exploring more. They are at the age of being so inquisitive with so much hunger for adventure. Oftentimes, their curiosity leads them to do actions that are considered alarming and troublesome. When your child is at this stage, the parent must be assistive in as much as they can to pacify your child’s curiosity or to answer the uncertainties that are revolving inside their minds. Handle situations like these with a wider understanding and empathy. In doing so, you will both (parent and child) find growth with the experiences you have encountered.

Raising a child by a single parent mother?

The fact that raising a child is difficult, then what do you think for single parents out there? It is way tougher for them because they have to do all the responsibility all by themselves. They are alone in this lifelong battle and with higher chances of giving up on the task bestowed to them. They make sure to work their butts out just to make both ends meet for them. I am grateful and so proud for all the single parents who can succeed in this grueling task. They are great fighters true to their meaning. Check out this amazing book that can guide your journey in raising a child as a single mom.

The Badass Single Mom's Survival Guide: 21 Life Hacking Tips
An amazing book that will guide you to endure and survive the odds of being a single mom.

Raising a child by a single parent father?

In today’s society, when we hear single parents what comes to our mind is it’s a mom! But hey, there are some dads out there who are brave enough to raise a child. They face the same stress, money matters, emotional and psychological undertakings[8] , and maybe on a higher level than single moms out there. Some fathers would try hard to learn doing girl stuff like making a hairstyle, ballet dancing, and even putting on make-ups.  Fathers are known for having a strong persona so they have to stand up for that mere fact for their children and the people around them. I salute these men who can be bold and courageous in facing such a great responsibility.

The Single Dad's Survival Guide: How to Succeed as a One-Man Parenting Team
  • Klumpp, Michael A. (Author)
  • English (Publication Language)
  • 192 Pages - 10/21/2003 (Publication Date) - WaterBrook (Publisher)

Is it hard to raise a child with special needs?

The answer is a big YES! Knowing the fact that raising a child is indeed hard than raising a child with special needs is way harder. Parents raising a child with special needs battle with different levels of hardship, physical strength, mental capacity, and finances. It would be best for parents who are raising a child with special needs to look for support from other parents who are handling the same situation to be able to cope up with their child. Children with special needs must be provided with special medical care and equipment, but some parents are not fortunate enough to provide them with these necessities. And because of the strenuous situation, some families resulted in being broken. Sometimes when one parent can no longer get hold of the difficulty, the other parent would suffer the burden of taking the responsibility alone. Take a peek on this inspiring book:

Challenges in raising a child with special needs

We, parents find raising a child informative and gratifying. When we raise a child we gained a lot of insights both negative and positive from the experiences that we went through. How we can simulate the learnings in our daily lives depends solely on us. We feel gratified because another human being came into existence to bring us genuine happiness. The feeling is mutual with parents who are raising a child with special needs. The only difference is their struggle with how they can raise their child. They have to extend more effort than parents who are raising a normal child.  Here are the challenges that parents take on when raising a child with special needs:

Convenience

We are now living in a digital era where great technologies arise. But it is a sad reality that government lacks attention in giving ease of access for people mostly children with special needs. This situation is a hindrance for family members of children with special needs to live out normally. It gives them the feeling of being secluded to mingle with other people and to live under the same sky. Installation of ramps on pavements, toilets built specifically for them, and a lot more can be placed into consideration for their ease of access. By providing these things out of good heart, not only will the children find comfort but the parents too.

Acceptance from others

What’s more challenging and a great struggle for parents in raising a child with special needs is the treatment that they receive from other people. Sometimes harsh words, calling odd names, and indifferent looks are too much to take on by the parents. These actions are more burdensome for them than assisting their child in doing things. Since they are special children there will be times that they can publicly show actions unlikely of other children. Their actions are called “meltdown”. We are all human beings living in the same world. Accepting the flaws of others, being more understanding, and showing empathy[9] towards others can make a meaningful difference. We can even create a better and more beautiful world.

Special Necessities

Because these children are special so as their necessities in life. The truth is raising a child with special needs is expensive. Some special clothes are designed intentionally for them, not because of fashion but because that will serve as an aid to them as well. Doctors would recommend some food that they need to take too because their body needs them. And some of these special necessities are not available in our local supermarkets or stores but can be bought only online. Since they need to have a good education too, there are specific schools that they can attend to. They have a different curriculum designed specifically for these special children. In some parts of the world, there is a limited number of schools while in other parts none exist either. It is with great hope that the government can look more into this concern since parents with special needs are increasing in numbers these days. You might consider purchasing this kind of product for your child:

Special Supplies Sensory Compression Vest Deep Pressure Comfort for Autism, Hyperactivity, Mood...
  • Deep Pressure Sensory Support – This compression vest for autism and sensory processing disorders creates a warm, supportive hug for children or adults who struggle with focus, stress, or anxiety.
  • Soothing, Comforting Compression – The therapeutic pressure applied to the body is designed to help you stay more engaged and focused when things seem overwhelming or emotions run high.
  • Hook-and-Loop Adjustability – Designed to fit your torso comfortably, the smart design lets you adjust the fit to give you smooth, even pressure across the shoulders, chest, and stomach for a full upper-body hug.

Communicating with your child

One of the greatest challenges that a parent needs to tackle when raising a child with special needs is how they could be able to communicate with them. Some kids are born with difficulty in speaking, and some cannot even utter a word. Parents find this awfully hard to deal with because their children cannot express what they want and how they feel. It is a heartbreaking scene when a parent sees her child agonizing in pain but cannot tell which part of his/her body is hurting. With this kind of struggle[10], parents must be creative and resourceful in finding means and ways on how they can communicate with their children so that they can both understand each other. While technology is advancing, the time might come that there could be available tools that can solve this problem for parents with special children. Read this book to discover ways and techniques in communicating with your child:

Sale
Communication Alternatives in Autism: Perspectives on Typing and Spelling Approaches for the...
  • English (Publication Language)
  • 215 Pages - 09/06/2019 (Publication Date) - Toplight Books (Publisher)

Gestures and conducts of the child

Since these children have created a world of their own, so as their actions. Parents who are raising a child with special needs consider it a tough job to instill discipline in their child. At times they are uncontrollable, and they have a sudden shift of emotion[11] and behavior. Under these circumstances, the parent’s patience is being put to test. So, parents must keep a lot of this inside their heart. Doing research and studies will be beneficial for parents. The more you understand and know more about your child and his/her behavior the better. That could lead you to make sound decisions and capability of handling such situations with confidence. Make this book your assistive tool in managing your child’s behavior:

Sale
The Uncontrollable Child: Understand and Manage Your Child’s Disruptive Moods with Dialectical...
  • Miller LCSW, Matis (Author)
  • English (Publication Language)
  • 216 Pages - 04/01/2021 (Publication Date) - New Harbinger Publications (Publisher)

Discussion with parents like you

It will be an advantage for parents to search for other parents dealing with the same kind of situation. Discussing and having meet-ups with them could give you a lot of insight and learnings that you can apply in raising your child. At most, it could be better if you can seek advice from other parents who have grown-up kids with special needs. This way you can anticipate the unexpected things that might happen along your journey. Social media is a very useful tool especially nowadays. You can use this in searching for parents like you. There are also a lot of online forums that you can actively participate in. You can easily find them on social media because they are creating groups specifically for certain people like you.

Going on trips and get-away

We usually go on trips or beautiful places like beaches to relax our minds and soul. Doing this will also give enjoyment to our children. Parents who have children with special needs feel the same way too. They also love the idea of letting their children experience this kind of life but unfortunately, it is difficult for them to achieve these beautiful thoughts. Although this can be possible but must be given a lot of things for consideration like traveling to distant places and finding accommodations that will be suitable especially for your child. When doing stuff like these, always put on your priority the comfort of your child. Your resourcefulness as a parent could be very useful at times like this. In case you cannot do any of these things because of financial constraints[12] just think of activities that will be best for you. Activities that will not drain your budget but will still give enjoyment and delight to your family. The great memories of being together are what matters the most.

Final thought

Raising a child can be an enchanting journey – you will be facing out-of-the-blue experiences, you can never foretell what’s about to come for the next day, you will experience mixed emotions, and you can be so proud of yourself for every achievement you made. There will be times that you will be facing situations that seem to drain you physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually that at some point in your life you feel like losing and giving up. Children are God’s unique gift to us thus we must be thankful if they are entrusted to our care.


[1] Parker, Kim, and Wendy Wang. “Modern parenthood.” Pew Research Center’s Social & Demographic Trends Project 14 (2013).

[2] James, William. “What makes a life significant.” On Some of Life’s Ideals 49 (1900): 65.

[3] Baruch, Alona Forkosh, and Ola Erstad. “Upbringing in a digital world: Opportunities and possibilities.” Technology, Knowledge and Learning 23.3 (2018): 377-390.

[4] Sanna, Francesca. The journey. London: Flying Eye Books, 2016.

[5] Gupta, Madhulika A., Aditya K. Gupta, and Herbert F. Haberman. “The self-inflicted dermatoses: a critical review.” General hospital psychiatry 9.1 (1987): 45-52.

[6] Potegal, Michael, Michael R. Kosorok, and Richard J. Davidson. “Temper tantrums in young children: 2. Tantrum duration and temporal organization.” Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics 24.3 (2003): 148-154.

[7] Goldsmith, Werner. Impact. Courier Corporation, 2001.

[8] Cronin, Patricia, Frances Ryan, and Michael Coughlan. “Undertaking a literature review: a step-by-step approach.” British journal of nursing 17.1 (2008): 38-43.

[9] Elliott, Robert, et al. “Empathy.” Psychotherapy 48.1 (2011): 43.

[10] Dietz, Thomas, Elinor Ostrom, and Paul C. Stern. “The struggle to govern the commons.” science 302.5652 (2003): 1907-1912.

[11] Lindsley, Donald B. “Emotion.” (1951).

[12] Shettleworth, Sara J. “Constraints on learning.” Advances in the Study of Behavior. Vol. 4. Academic Press, 1972. 1-68.

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Author

Tiffany Biondi

Tiffany Biondi

Mother of 4 kids, Tiffany is a certified childcarer and during her free time, she write posts in thebabychoice to share her hands on experience and knowledge.
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